


Go Fuck Yourself

by Archangelsanonymous (Pattypixie)



Series: Trading Bodies [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bodyswap, Canon Universe, Extended Metaphors, Humor, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Shower Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 13:07:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11162475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pattypixie/pseuds/Archangelsanonymous
Summary: Sam and Gabriel get hit with a spell where their bodies are swapped. Now what?





	Go Fuck Yourself

   “Honestly, I don’t even know where to start with how hilarious this is,” Dean grinned and walked a circle around Sam and Gabriel. “Who knew that there was a spell equivalent of Freaky Friday?”

“It’s not funny, Dean,” Sam frowned and crossed Gabriel’s arms in front of him.

“You’re so short,” Dean blurted, laughing.

“Hey, that’s my body you’re talking about,” Gabriel protested.

“Everyone thinks it,” Dean shrugged. Sam nodded and Gabriel huffed.

“Well, that’s just rude,” Gabriel tried to take a step and almost face-planted. “Ah! Fuck! How do you use these goddamn stilts?”

Sam sighed and pinched the bridge of Gabriel’s nose. “You have to account for me being 8 inches taller than you.”

“This is ridiculous,” Gabriel mumbled, carefully lifting up Sam’s legs then setting them down. “I’m a fucking archangel…Fucking hate witches…”

“Hey yeah, that’s right,” Dean snapped his fingers and pointed at Sam. “Dude. Do you have archangel mojo? Do something cool. Make me a burger.”

“What? No,” Sam scoffed. “I’m not making you a burger. Plus I don’t think I have any powers.”

“The spell negates grace,” Gabriel explained. “It won’t be back till I’m in my proper vessel. That will hopefully happen within the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours. Week tops.”

“We could be like this for A WEEK?” Sam yelled, clenching Gabriel’s fists.

“It’s an estimate, shortstack!” Gabriel retorted, chuckling a little. “Okay, it is pretty funny that he’s short.”

“Fuck you guys,” Sam grumbled, storming off. “Fuck this spell. I’m going back to the bunker, going to bed, and hopefully I’ll be me in the morning.”

“Woah, hey!” Gabriel called after Sam, attempting to follow him somewhat fluidly. “That’s my body you’re taking to bed!” He paused and thought for a second. “Actually, you know what, just keep going!”

“You’re a sick puppy, Gabe,” Dean sighed, walking past him toward the Impala.

“Oh yeah, like you’d be so against checking out the goods if you and Cas swapped bods!” Gabriel yelled, still struggling with Sam’s limbs and slowly making his way back. “YEAH, JUST WALK AWAY. Oof—“ Gabriel fell to his knees and groaned. “Or come back! Please? Dean? DEAN?”

They made it back to the bunker and Dean called Cas, hoping that he could help somehow. Cas cocked his head slightly and stared at Sam and Gabriel as if they were the sun, squinty eyed and confused as to what turn of events lead to him looking at it. “I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do.”

“I know for a fact you’re lying, bro,” Gabriel huffed.

“Apologies. There is nothing I WILL do,” Cas clarified.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dean asked.

“It’s a very complex process,” Cas explained. “I would have to go into Sam’s body, for example, retrieve Gabriel, place him into my vessel, then retrieve Sam, place him back in his own body, and finally go back for Gabriel and place him back in his vessel before returning to my own. The problem with this process is that it is very easy for a soul to get lost or a body to die in the process. I don’t feel comfortable risking it.”

“Okay, anything including lost souls or dead bodies is out of the question,” Dean decided.

“Yeah, cuz that’s stopped us before,” Sam rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fine. Can I just go to bed now? We can start research in the morning. Maybe this thing has a counter spell or something.” He turned to go down the hallway and looked back. “For the record, you all suck.”

“Well, I think we all need some shut-eye,” Dean announced, yawning. “Goodnight Cas, Sam…er Gabriel. Fuck, that’s gonna take some getting used to.”

Sam laid in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. If there was a scale of one to really insanely wacked out shit, this would probably land between extremely annoying and uncomfortable as fuck. He squirmed a little under the covers, trying to get used to his now oversized sleepwear. Maybe it would be easier to just sleep without it. He blushed a little at the idea then decided against it. Everything about this just seemed like a gigantic violation of privacy. Every time he had to change clothes, he was undressing Gabriel’s body. Everything he touched, he was touching with Gabriel’s hands. In fact, every time he thought about it, it was Gabriel’s dick that was getting hard between Gabriel’s legs. Sam groaned and rolled over, hitting his head against the pillow a couple times to try and get the awkward thoughts out of his mind. Gabriel probably wasn’t having this issue with his body.

Sam’s mind took a minute to catch up with his thought process and his eyes snapped open. Gabriel. His body. He jumped out of bed and tripped a little over his pant legs, getting to the door. There was no way to know what Gabriel was doing to his body. Sam opened his door slowly, then snuck down the hall to Gabriel’s room. It was barely used, just like Cas’s room, since angels didn’t sleep. They had given them those rooms more as a gesture, saying they were always welcome and offer the bunker as a home. Cas took the idea to heart, keeping artifacts and other trinkets that he seemed to like in his room. Turned out he was a huge fan of porcelain horse sculptures. Gabriel kind of blew it off, but Sam knew better. From the outside, Gabriel’s room looked as bare as the day they gave it to him but once, Sam had stepped in and was transported to a pocket dimension where the room was about three times bigger and beautifully decorated. Sam had almost immediately stepped back out because he was terrified of getting into another TV land situation. He had to admit that Gabriel had a great eye for interior decorating, though.

He made it to the door and pushed it open slightly. He looked in and saw his body sprawled out on the bed, face down, clothing still on. Sam sighed in relief and turned away. He wasn’t sure why he was so worried about it anyway. Gabriel may be a flirty, inappropriate nuisance most of the time, but he could be respectful if he really wanted to be. Sam hiked up his sleeping pants and made his way back to his room. He flopped back onto his bed and sighed. This really wasn’t so bad.

Gabriel woke up and groaned. His back ached, his head ached, and his dick kinda ached from his morning wood being trapped between a moose body and the mattress. He sniffed and realized he also still smelled like witch hideout; Namely patchouli, cook fire, and a hundred years of crazy cat lady stink. If he was in his own body, he could easily just zap all the funk away. Fuck not having powers.

He slid off of the bed and rubbed his eyes. Running a hand through his hair, he realized that it still had some spell goo in it. Ugh. Spell goo. Guess he’d have to get rid of it the old fashioned way. Gabriel walked out of his room and headed toward the bunker showers that he’d never had a need for before. The bathroom was laid out like a locker room, stalls and sinks on one end and a large tiled area with shower heads on the walls and a huge drain in the middle on the other. Well, then. Community showering was definitely something Gabriel could get behind. It looked like there were a few shelves installed in the shower area where towels were kept. Some hooks also hung on the walls with robes adorning them. There was one that seemed to be used a lot more than the other so Gabriel assumed it to be Dean’s. Sam wasn’t really a robe guy.

Gabriel sighed and started to take off his shirts. Might as well get it done and over with. Sam might not be a big fan of Gabriel being in his body, but the least he could do was take care of it. He placed them on a bench that was just outside of the shower area and started to undo his jeans. Just from being able to feel it, he could tell that Sam was a big boy, but seeing the thing in person was like uncovering the holy grail. Actually, it was better than the holy grail. A great cock trumps a stupid cup any day. Gabriel pulled his eyes away, reluctantly. This wasn’t his body. It was not his cock to play with. Definitely not his to stroke and tease and…Great. Now he was hard.

Gabriel walked over to one of the showerheads and only turned it on a bit, so the water came out cold. He stood under the water, head bowed, hoping that this would do the trick. Maybe it could work a little faster? He started to shiver and turned the water up. It wasn’t his fault that Sam’s dick wouldn’t go down and he wasn’t willing to subject himself to more freezing torture. Gabriel tried his best to ignore the problem, rinsing his hair and avoiding looking down. He bent down to grab the shampoo, and nearly moaned when his hand accidently brushed it. This was just ridiculous. Gabriel squirted some shampoo into his palms, then worked it into his hair. He scratched his scalp and tugged on the strands a little, the sensation travelling down his back and straight to his cock. Well, that was interesting. Sam liked his hair pulled. No wonder he kept it long.

That was it. Gabriel couldn’t take it any longer. This counted as “taking care” of Sam’s body, right? He wrapped his hand around his length and gasped. The touch felt so good and he started stroking slowly, having to adjust and get used to what Sam liked. Luckily, Gabriel was a quick learner. He leaned his back against the cold tile and moaned, thumbing his slit.

“DON’T TOUCH ME THERE!”

Gabriel’s eyes snapped open and he saw…himself standing by the opening of the showers in just a towel. The startle was just too much and he squeezed his eyes closed again, moaning as he arched his back and came.

Sam’s jaw dropped and he blushed as he watched himself come. Was it making him hard? Did he enjoy watching himself get off or watching himself knowing it was Gabriel inside his body? FUCK this was so fucking weird!

Gabriel came down and he panted, back still to the tile, but staring at Sam. “Like what you see?” he stroked a little more and moaned at the oversensitivity.

Sam looked away and tightened the fist he was holding his towel with. “No…I…Shit, Gabriel get your hand off my cock!”

“Oh, I see the problem,” Gabriel smirked and walked over to Sam. “You don’t want me touching your body. Got it.”

“How is that such a hard concept to—GABRIEL!” Sam yelped as Gabriel pulled off his towel. “What are you—WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Gabriel pulled him close and licked a stripe up Sam’s neck.

“I can’t touch your body, right?” Gabriel whispered in his ear. “I’m totally free to touch my own though.”

“NO! No you—St-stop that,” Sam stuttered as Gabriel sucked his earlobe into his mouth.

“This is even better, actually,” Gabriel nibbled Sam’s ear, drawing a soft moan out of him. “I know exactly what spots to touch that drive me crazy.” He ran his hands up Sam’s back and pressed into where his wings would be. Sam cried out and rubbed his erection against Gabriel’s thigh.

“This is so weird,” Sam breathed, clinging to Gabriel’s shoulders. Gabriel moved his hands under Sam’s ass and picked him up.

“Don’t think about it so hard, then,” Gabriel offered, walking back toward the shower with Sam and pushing him up against the wall. “Kiss me.”

Sam hesitated for a moment, realizing he would be kissing himself, but proving that he was thinking too much. He met Gabriel’s lips with enthusiasm and moaned softly into it. Everything about the kiss seemed absolutely perfect; Exactly what he wanted. Every lick and touch was so precise and exact that Gabriel had him panting and begging, rubbing up against him desperately. Sam moved his hand up to Gabriel’s hair and tugged, pulling a wanton moan out of him. Gabriel wasn’t the only one with sensitive spots, and he kinda liked the noises his body made.

“Gabriel, I…”

“Shh…Lucky for you, I know exactly what you need,” Gabriel purred, reaching down and teasing at Sam’s hole with his finger. Sam whined and pushed back against it, craving more. He usually preferred to top, but in Gabriel’s body, he needed something in his ass and it needed to be right the fuck now. Gabriel reached over and grabbed some generic body soap from a dispenser in the wall, slicking up his fingers. He pushed one into Sam and smiled at the sound it caused him to make.

“Let me fuck you, Sam,” Gabriel whispered, working in a second finger. “I’ll make it feel so good, I promise.” Sam pressed his head back against the tile and panted. Sure, it felt fucking amazing, but the whole situation was so messed up and…Sam gasped as Gabriel’s fingers pressed against his sweet spot, throwing all caution out the window. There were probably worse things in the world than getting fucked with your own cock.

“Yeah, just…” Sam groaned. “Gabriel, please…”

Gabriel hummed, nuzzling his nose against Sam’s neck. “Love to hear you beg.” He pulled his fingers out of Sam and reached for the soap again. “Just one more to go, sugar.”

Sam was barely holding it together, between the feel of his own body against him and how Gabriel knew exactly what to do to make him lose all semblance of reality. If this was some weird fucked up dream he was having, he was certain he didn’t want to wake up. At least for another 10 minutes or so.

Soon, Gabriel was starting to feel like Sam was sufficiently stretched and he pulled his fingers back out, only to be met with a whine from Sam. “Come on now, it’s time for the main event,” Gabriel smiled. He kissed Sam as he slicked up his cock, still amazed at how incredible this all felt. Before pushing in, he pulled away from the kiss. “Last chance. Not freaking out?”

“Will you shut up and put my cock in your ass already?” Sam hissed, tugging on Gabriel’s hair.

Gabriel moaned at the pull. “So bossy,” he growled, lowering Sam down onto his cock. Sam closed his eyes and let his mouth hang open as Gabriel filled him up. Fuck, he had a fantastic cock. By the time he was fully seated, Sam was sure he could feel it all the way up into his throat.

“Move,” Sam ordered. He didn’t expect Gabriel’s immediate enthusiasm, pulling out then slamming back into him over and over again. Sam could feel his skin rubbing red against the tile on his back as he was fucked, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Gabriel had been right about this being a fantastic idea.

Gabriel groaned and laid his head against Sam’s shoulder as he thrust up into Sam. “So fucking amazing…God, Sam…” His rhythm was starting to waver as he could feel himself nearing his climax. Sam moved a hand between them to stroke himself once he could feel that Gabriel was getting close.

“Gabriel…” Sam panted, unable to form any other words at the moment. One direct thrust to his prostate and Sam cried out, streaking both of their chests with white. Gabriel could feel Sam clamp down and moaned, burying himself as deep into Sam as he could for his own release. He bit down on Sam’s shoulder as he came, causing Sam to moan as well due to oversensitivity. Once Gabriel realized his legs were close to giving out, he pulled out of Sam and set him down before sitting down on the shower floor. Sam slid down to the floor as well, back still against the wall.

“Well,” Sam sighed, still catching his breath. “That happened.”

“Sure did,” Gabriel grinned.

Sam held out his hand under the shower stream, then attempted to wipe some come off of his stomach…Gabriel’s stomach. He looked back up and saw his own body, legs sprawled open. Reality came crashing down on him like an obese man committing suicide out of a 10 th story window. “Shit, I just…”

“Guess this give a whole new meaning to ‘go fuck yourself’, huh?” Gabriel grinned. Before Sam had a chance to retort, Dean and Cas came running into the showers.

“Sam!” Cas shouted, his eyes falling on the scene before him. “Oh, Gabriel, you—“ A blank look came on his face as if he was processing the scene before him with only a couple megabytes of RAM. After a moment, the pieces finally fell into place. “WHAT THE FUCK!”

“Dean, please. There are more important things to worry about.”

Sam stared at the pair. “Are you guys…?”

Dean sighed. “We attempted a counter spell and, as you can see, it did not go as anticipated.”

Cas frowned. “We’re switched too now, you sick fucks.”

Sam’s jaw dropped as Gabriel’s near hysterical laughter filled the showers.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, there will be more! I'll probably end up exploring all the ships in Team Free Love before putting everyone straight again. That's only fair, right? ;)
> 
> Bother me!  
> Tumblr: @archangelsanonymous  
> Twitter: @pattypixie


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